There was a time when dressing myself felt more like an exercise in mimicry than self-expression. I’d scroll through Instagram, save photos of influencers in perfectly layered outfits, and think, “I need to look like her.” Then I’d either rush to buy whatever they were wearing or just sit there feeling inadequate because I couldn’t. Either way, I felt like I was playing a role that didn’t quite fit. It took me a while to realize that finding my own style wasn’t about copying anyone else—it was about figuring out what actually made me feel good.
Starting With Observation, Not Imitation
The first shift came when I stopped shopping impulsively based on what others were wearing. Instead, I started observing. What was it about those outfits I liked? Was it the color palette, the tailoring, the effortless way it all came together? Taking a step back helped me move from “I want to look like her” to “What am I drawn to here?” It wasn’t about adding new things to my wardrobe right away—it was about paying attention.
One thing that helped was creating a mood board. I know it sounds Pinterest-y, but hear me out: gathering images in one place made it easier to see patterns. I noticed that I kept saving photos of soft neutrals, simple silhouettes, and clean lines. Even when I admired a bold print or a trendy piece on someone else, I rarely felt drawn to those things for myself. That realization was a turning point. My mood board wasn’t about copying a specific look; it was a mirror reflecting what resonated with me.
Experimenting Without Pressure
Once I had a clearer sense of what I liked, I gave myself permission to experiment—but on my own terms. Instead of mindlessly shopping for whatever was trending, I started with what I already owned. I played around with pairing pieces differently, tucking in shirts, layering jackets, or swapping sneakers for heels. Some combinations worked. Some didn’t. But honestly, the “misses” were just as valuable as the “wins.” They taught me what didn’t feel like me, which is just as important as knowing what does.
And when I did shop, I slowed down. I’d try things on and ask myself, “Do I love this because it feels authentic to me, or because it’s what I think I should wear?” If I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t buy it. Sometimes I’d leave a piece behind and think about it for a few days before deciding. That little pause made such a difference—it taught me to trust my instincts instead of rushing to keep up with trends.
Learning to Let Go
Another big part of finding my style was letting go of pieces I was holding onto for the wrong reasons. I used to keep clothes because they were trendy, expensive, or “might be useful someday,” even if they didn’t feel like me. Letting those things go felt freeing. It cleared space—not just physically in my closet, but mentally too. The fewer “meh” options I had, the easier it became to see what I truly loved and wanted to wear.
Style Should Feel Like Home
What surprised me most about this whole process is how much lighter I feel now. Getting dressed isn’t about impressing anyone else or living up to some imagined aesthetic. It’s about putting on clothes that feel good—like the best version of myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t get inspired by others anymore. I do! But inspiration isn’t the same as imitation. When I see an outfit I love, I think, “How can I translate this into something that feels like me?” Sometimes that means borrowing a color combination or silhouette. Other times, it’s just admiring and moving on.
Your Style, Your Rules
So if you’re feeling stuck or unsure of your style, know this: you don’t have to figure it all out at once. Start small. Observe what you’re drawn to. Experiment without pressure. Let go of the pieces that don’t serve you anymore. And most importantly, be patient with yourself. Style isn’t about perfection or following anyone else’s rules—it’s about finding what feels like home when you put it on. And trust me, that’s worth the journey.
